¶ Opening Chat
Ben starts with 2 apologies:
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He has Covid and is looking 'RSC ill' - actually, more Les Mis French orphan than Banquo's Ghost.
Henry isn't too sure how RADA auditions work but knows they teach you how to breathe from your calves.
Mike's video looks like it has Gulf War colouring. His voice and image are out of synch.
Ben is coughing and Henry has eaten so many Pret meals that his stomach acid could digest an aeroplane.
It is a Cursed Ep. -
Ben's second apology is to Charlie (of HP Led Zepplin fame). They had both been in the toilets at Aberystwyth Arts Centre and Ben feared Charlie may have heard him shitting to the sound of his own voice. 'Don't meet your heroes.'
¶ Topic Chat
Rowan sends in the topic: The Trojan War.
Henry starts singing the theme from Game of Thrones.
Is Troy real? Is it in Turkey or between the Mythological and History zones?
With Turkish lineage, Henry is basically Hector.
Recapping, Paris consensually nabbed Helen of Troy, even though she wasn't actually of Troy. 'It's like when they moved Wimbledon FC to Milton Keynes!'
Henry has read 2% of The Illyiad. 'It's quite long.'
Mike loves a myth but hasn't progressed beyond Usborne books.
Henry has visited 7 Ephesuses in Turkey. Ben finds out there were 9 Troys - all built on top of each other. How? Like a lasagne? More like arancini, created when an Italian chef fell into a Black Hole.
How to explain a Scotch Egg? Created at the time of the Big Bang and now found hanging around pubs, at Scotch Zero.
Is there a link to Scottish Independence? And Wee Bobby Sturgeon? (Not the Chicago Cubs player).
Henry loves the feeling of a Cursed Ep, unshackled (as usual) from any responsibility.
What henry remembers about Troy: Achilles and his heel, dipped into the Styx by his parents.
Ben saw the film Troy and didn't enjoy it. Mike has seen Troy too but Henry doubts he will now find time to watch it.
Ben, still suffering, looks like he is about to expire and gives his final words, 'Did you know that Sean bean is in the film Troy? Bye!'
He plays Odysseus, King of Ithaka and Sheffield, Master of the Minotaur, son of Margaret Goddess of Allotments.
The film also stars Trevor Eve and John Shrapnel - Henry reckons that is just Sean Bean with a made-up name.
They feel the film is humourless, but that is a better option than the Marvel universe. Unless Jeff Goldblum was to be in it, capable of weaving gold from turds.
30:10 Henry's impression of Jeff Goldblum
31:10 Henry's impression of Trump
Pandas as Trojan horses
Henry would prefer a massive box of chocolates with warriors, Sean Bean and a horse in the second layer.
Achilles kills Hector, 'It's like a big soap opera that I haven't seen' - Ben is annoyed as he can't be smug on University Challenge as Greek mythology is his Achilles heel.
Ben loves a pub quiz and recently won £50 with Tom Neenan.
Further Sean Bean aliases: Gary Shrapnel, Derek Workbench and Cedric Wheeliebin.
Apparently Henry is an expert on the Trojan War, along with Mary Beard, Derek Sideburns and Algenon Bloke. Shame we didn't hear any expertise.
Kelly Vivanco's Show Art
¶ Emails
40:42 Will's email jingle featuring urban districts of Bremen.
The Beans love it.
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Email from Kiara about the most relevant location to listen to an ep: she listened to Bicycles from inside the Brompton factory.
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Joe wrote in to accuse Sophie Ellis Bextor of pilfering 3 3/4 sausages, a pile of bacon, half a tub of butter, a bowl and a butter knife. Has she become a Joker character since the Plum incident?
Talk about bowls and whether they can go into dishwashers and microwaves leads to the Sean Bean range, including the Chainmail Wok and the Mace colander. More SB aliases include: Elvis Crampton, Marjory Ironingboard, the Jambalaya twins and Alfred Pancake (not Dr Pancake), Karen Moustache and Bob Carpenter. As a group they are less than the sum of their parts.
- Fen and Diego were at the Live show Pret and tell the story of the exploding phone charger from the American angle. An infinite and self-contained anecdote - call for anyone else who was there to add their viewpoint.
Has Ben forgotten it is now the Patreon section? Covid is affecting him and he is pining for the fjords.
¶ Jingles
6:55 Digestive Tract Talk
13:10 Bean Machine
40:42 Will's Email jingle
55:30 Patreon
¶ Notable Quotes
“I feel tremendous, but I’ve got absolutely nothing to say.”
Covid’s really taken out your nuance, hasn’t it?
“I was, in a sense, chewing over an idea with my arse.”
“Abandon all hope ye who continue listening.”
Welcome to Trojan!
"He only got shot in the bloody heel!"
“She was Margaret, Goddess of Allotments.”
Cursed ep! Cursed ep!”
I am Odysseus, King of Ithaca. And Sheffield.
"Yeah the horse thing was just for a laugh, to be honest."
Henry: “That’s why the phrase is “Don’t accept a horse.””
Ben: “That’s the phrase, isn’t it?”
“You've got Sean Bean hiding in a Strawberry Cream?”
Mike: "The irony is that's your Achilles Heel."
Henry: "Ooh, very nice."
Mike: "Thank you, Henry."
"We should have smelled a rat when he gifted us that horse."
Gary Shrapnell
Derek Workbench
Cedric Wheeliebin
"And for God's sake let's hope we don't both get nominated for Oscars. I'm not Mrs Doubtfire-ing the Oscars again!"
Derek Sideburns
Algernon Bloke
My own personal inner Bremen
Elvis Shrampton
Marjorie Ironingboard
Alfred Pancake
Caroline Moustache
Bob Carpenter
"If you're looking for a leading lady, look no further than Hoisin Duckwrap."
"I just like the word fjord....goodbye!"
¶ Sean Bean Lounge
The Premiere of the Sean Bean lounge movie
¶ Listener Theme Tune
1:00:48
From Graham (of James Bond theme fame) - a homage to John Carpenter, 'HallowBean'