¶ Opening Chat
- Ben lets the listener know ahead of the ep that the Manchester live show sold out to the Patreons, though there may be 50 more tickets put on sale depending on the personal peccadillos of Andy Burnham.
- Ben has nothing because he was born that morning and exists in the present. Doesn't feel as good as they say it will.
- Rory Stewart attains that state when talking to Alastair Campbell on The Rest Is Politics (which Ben listened to the night before when he should have gone to bed).
- Henry says Stewart does retreats but Ben wonders if Henry has gotten mixed up with the Yuval Harari interview.
- Ben gets into a toad brain state when cycling, which he doesn't like (wasted time). A flow state. Basically dead, but functional, like a zombie.
- Mike accesses his flow state through deep sleep or Googling WiFi bundles. He reaches Juliet from 'Romeo and Juliet' levels of almost deadness: the priest comes out, certificates of death line his walls. He doesn't just go into sleep mode, it's full shutdown.
- If Mike dreamt, it would be just him talking to himself, giving reminders and notes about apppointments and household tips. Imaginative dreams are just a waste of time. Password reminders: Mike123 for everything.
- Toad mind while cycling, reviled by society. Henry thinks it's the looking forward to cycling that's important. Pulling dead birds from his mouth to make way for new ones. A grumpy old toad who is either famished or over-bloated. Do toads hibernate? The hairy Arctic toads do. Too well camouflaged.
- The planning, anticipation and build up is the thing. Massively true of holidays though Ben doesn't feel like a toad on holiday, despite lolling about in a pond, releasing spawn into the pool (do toads spawn?).
- Henry's equivalent is going to football games or Christmas. Not that he's in a flow state at Christmas.
- Time is what we're here for, so we want it to drag. Need to go to the Globe Theatre.
- Catch 22 character who tries to cultivate boredom to make his life last longer.
- Henry eating a croissant: he looks forward to it, but the eating is so brief (aware of this while eating). Like Ben eating a doughnut from Brutons Bakery that he had looked forward to (the baker uses a tool like that used to feed pizzas into the oven to stop Ben eating up his arm) – didn't notice he'd eaten it because his podcast was so fascinating, an absent-minded treat.
- Can't enjoy the second half of a croissant, too poignant, every bite taking you away from the state of having a croissant. Nostalgia for the first half. Mike buys a second croissant but at what point? Doubling up from the get-go? Might have to move cafe as it's a bit embarrassing.
- Solution: turn up with a bag of croissants or a meat hand to a group situation (6 or 7 ideal). Turning up where? A local political campaign? This is how the LibDems find people. They're too polite to go for the bag of croissants. Ed Davey might go for it though. Need a plastic dummy/decoy croissant or three, might get a reputation (or leadership potential).
- The second croissant has to be there so you don't have an existential panic during the second half of the first croissant.
- Need to be experiencing the croissant and having it be put into the future, perhaps by someone pulling it away on a bit of fishing wire, or be in the event horizon of a black hole, or put a croisssant sticker on the edge of your glasses (could have done this in the 60s instead of going to the Moon).
¶ Topic Chat
- Creepyyyy. Mike is terrified of clowns. But are clowns scary or just anyone (even Tim Henman or Keir Starmer) would be with blood-red teeth?
- Modern circus: mainly acrobatics. Henry feels, as a rate payer, he should be able to go and see a freakshow, which he'll be able to do as a LibDem MP.
- The circuses of Mike's childhood: spit and sawdust, mentally ill elephant, defanged tiger with liver failure, a demoustached Frenchman (pulled it out with his own beak). Back of the tent: sturdy cages and a stench of stress dung.
- Beans' mutual friend Gareth went on holiday to Russia years ago and went to the circus in Moscow and saw stuff that shouldn't be happening in the 21st century. Very grim.
- Zippos Circus in London – Henry saw this at Riverside Studios in Hammersmith (hard to get a camel up the stairs). Troupes within it, e.g. 7 Brazilian acrobats.
- Henry doesn't believe acrobats are on the edge of what they can do. Just a job, like Mr Bruton from the bakery. Ben respectfully disagrees and cites Evil Knievel (but that's breaking records, which is a different genre).
- The cycle of tension and release needs to be upped each time.
- Henry's like the man at a stand-up gig who thinks "I could do that. Come on Julie, we're leaving".
- Big scam. They can't be working close to the edge all the time, they're lying. Will be exposed after the Post Office scandal has been dealt with.
- Enjoyment comes from thinking they'll witness a spinal injury, like watching skiing on TV.
- Henry as director of Circus Verité.
- Watching accountancy is like test cricket: you've got to put the time in and eventually he'll muck up someone's VAT return.
- Can we still run off to join the circus, the merchant navy, the French Foreign Legion? Harder these days.
- Henry likes to stroll around the caravans at the back of a fairground or circus: no longer romantic, burly metal blocks, loud alsatians jumping through flaming hoops.
- The Beans did a Beef and Dairy live show in an inflatable cow on the South Bank and after their show there were Frenchy trampoline people with feral children and taut, muscular, tattooed physiques. Can't talk to them about council tax or residential parking permits though (the contortionist tried to swallow herself). The children's school was the trampoline but the Beans didn't ask where they went to school: that was the second elephant in the room (the one not wearing a sparkly dress).
- In olden times, the travelling entertainment was the 'must see' and you could go off with them. Italian commedia troupes would come to the UK.
- Now you can just Google 'seven Brazilian men' instead of waiting for the circus to come to town. Literally impossible for Henry to now join such a troupe, says Ben – this is the first line of the most successful film of 2027. Henry's Acrobat Journey, the documentary following Henry in an admin role, living illegally in Brazil.
- Mike is able to do everything: clown, lion tamer, acrobat.
- Mike did a short film with contortionists and Portuguese acrobats. They weren't hiding in the espresso cups. Made Mike feel like he wasn't living the full comedy life. Must be on an ibuprofen drip for all the injuries.
- Henry's vision for the off time of circus performers is neat vodka and bawdy tales (like sailors). A lot of dancing, fighting and sex with no distinction between, very similar to the LibDems.
Kelly Vivanco's Show Art
¶ Emails
- Pre-emails plug from Mike of his mini-tour of 'Zusa' to make an audio album (Mike's "Dark Side of the Moon"). Ben and Henry assure the listener it's a great show, which they have to do because of social mores. Those in Lyme Regis should go, only if they've already visited the Lime Museum and squeezed the replica fibreglass lime voiced by Bill Oddie (talks you through the life-cycle of a lime). The original has been missing for years. A Russian oligarch who lives in Torquay probably has it.
- Sandon from Tasmania plants an Old Switcheroo comparing Ben to Schubert (because of the film idea where he wakes up in Schubert's body from the Castles ep) but Ben isn't short and uses three Toblerones to create an optical illusion to prove it (assuming trinocular vision).
- Alex from Heavitree (Exeter), subject: "I whispered 'Pompidou' in Mike's ear and showed him my arse this weekend", approaching from Mike's blind spot (behind). Ben is wary that this might encourage others to track Mike down and show him their arse.
- Chris from Bremen, his dad plays Archimedes in the latest Indian Jones movie and he offers a Pompidou discount on his dad's acting services (excluding voiceovers).
¶ Jingles
- Provincial Dad (7:04)
- Bean Machine (25:27)
- Satire (27:30)
- Emails (50:16)
- The Old Switcheroo (51:37)
- Pam (54:30)
- Patreon (57:36)
¶ Notable Quotes
- I'm not calling you a thicko, Henry.
- Just as a recap, Mike. This is you, Mike, talking to you, Mike.
- Think like a toad. Be a toad.
- The Rhondda Mega Hibernating Toad, a very specific species.
- Henry's giving out a present with one hand... watching Shrek 3 at the same time... using his foot to baste the pudding.
- Get thee to Stratford.
- Et tu, Bruton?
- Old Plastic Croissant's here.
- Are you telling me, as a voting citizen of this country, that I can't go and watch a freakshow?
- Are you saying, Henry, that we're not currently podcasting on the edge, cos that's what we promise our listeners.
- A circus is basically like Eastenders, but live.
- Wait a second, I've stood on a box before. I've stood on a box loads.
- You can dress it up all you want. You can wear a pair of tight, sparkly pants with stars on, but you are a liar my friend, and so is that camel.
- Stories from Swin-don. What news from Bracknell?
- Seven Brazilian men (lithe, supple, unusually strong).
¶ Sean Bean Lounge
- Bespoke Horseshoe Night (36 patrons)
¶ Listener Theme Tune
- Damian & Emily, in the key of Springsteen: "The Streets of Beanadelphia"
- A reminder that, in going into Series 12, the Beans have smashed the Sopranos out of the water, along with Breaking Bad, Succession, but not Last of the Summer Wine, Gardener's World or Springwatch