¶ Opening Chat
The Beans usually podcast at 10.20am, not 10.30 as that would be like the kid who recently completed Tetris and is probably now working for the CIA as the ultimate weapon.
Today, the Beans are podcasting at 18.49, 'The Jazz Hour.' 'On anecdotes, Henry Paker, on Jingles it's Banjo Ben Partridge and your cocktail waiter for the night, Mike Wozniak.'
Ben and the Bean Machine are going through the Vesper-time sluicing. Henry and Ben have beers tonight which 'feels a little bit wrong.' Henry has gone for the Birra Moretti as he likes the guy in the green hat. Ben will be drinking a Wanke Brau. And he bought a savoy cabbage today.
Henry gets hurt when people (his mum) says that everyone has a podcast these days (even that sparrow.) Ben feels that Three Bean Salad relies on the energy levels of Henry Paker. Harnessing his energy is like working with a husky.
Henry did a spin class to get his energy levels up. Ben ate a ham and salami sandwich.
¶ Topic Chat
Henry thinks they should ignore the suggestion of James Bond and talk about the cheesy biscuits he's eating instead. His cast-off ideas about Bond are like good hair on the floor of a barbershop.
Who will the next Bond be? Idris Elba? Hiddleston? Plemons, surely?
Mike has read a disappointing book called 'Damascus Station' by David McCloskey (major problem with the name).
Tom Crowley had sent Ben a Robert Ludlum title: 'The Parsifal Mosaic.'
Mike's review of Damascus Station is, 'It's all too hot it's tiring', even though it had a map in the front.
The hero is written as Jesse Plemons, and the enemy as Paul Giamatti - to be filmed in Sunderland, or deep-faked.
Teenage Benjamin loved Bond but now, 'They are hot, hot horseshit.'
Mike likes a film dense with chits.
Henry liked the Roger Moore spaceship one.
Future Bonds may be woke - 00Snowflake - but will still need carbs.
Ben thinks all Bond films should be set in the 1960s rather than Bond ever being on TikTok or Instagram. Henry disagrees and would have Giamatti play all the characters while wearing a Pierrot outfit covered in pompoms.
Ben is now drinking an African farmhouse beer. Henry is still on the pretentious biscuits with drinks pairings. Ben had a Caramac that Mike's sister had sent him - 'It was vile.'
The poet laureate, Simon Armitage, writes the copy for all cheese biscuit packets (Janette Winterson does Pringles). The Pope gets the best parmesan.
Kelly Vivanco's Show Art
¶ Emails
Samantha has had an earworm of 'Hugo Banzer' to the tune of 'Tiny Dancer'. (So have I now, thanks Samantha)
Emily emails about going to Harrogate baths and being in a sauna with Andy Burnham. Was he once in the Charletons? No, he just has a bit of a cool vibe.
Message to advertise the live show in Manchester on 24th April.
Lots of emails about the Three Bean Salad jigsaw! Henry denies all responsibility.
Barry in Iowa writes to say it's not easy, 'It's a strange kind of joy, like passing a very firm stool.'
Fern gave her husband the jigsaw for Christmas and wondered, 'Have any of you tried this fucking jigsaw?'
Alex has completed the jigsaw and dedicates the achievement to his new baby onion child.
Maybe the jigsaw will be the new Tetris.
Email from Tim from Colorado referring to Rob the Radioactive Listener. Tim is also radioactive as grew up in the affected area of the Rocky Flats plutonium plant's nuclear waste dumping scandal. As well as having ingested radioactive dye at a later date.
Sellafield worker 77369 writes to say he had absorbed both gamma radiation and also an internal dose of beta radation. He suggests that if you want to visit Sellafield then you should run up to the gates and shout, 'Pompidou!'
¶ Jingles
15.00 Pompidou (fast)
18.57 Bean machine
22:34 Evening vibes music
24:14 Plemons gets his own jingle!
52:32 Email jingle
1:00:00 Patreon
¶ Notable Quotes
...it finishes, and then you just feel nothing, you feel like a deep deep emptiness that you've never felt before, and you just look into the middle distance.
Whereas, in any small way I've ever achieved anything, you don't feel that, do you, you just go, "There you are."
We are in a way we are all a shape that we seek to fit into the world.
He’s feeding some sort of orifice a pepperoni pizza
We’ve got a chirascurro Partridge, haven’t we, which we don’t often see…
And there’s a lot of nougat flying round….
He’ll play that little Russian bit of music, won’t he…but that will be will be cold comfort for you, knowing that your face will always and forever now be linked to its equal and opposite anti-face…
Good story, good times.
I deny everything in relation to that jigsaw.
What’s the question?
Was it that there wasn’t a question?
¶ Sean Bean Lounge
Name That Cactus
¶ Listener Theme Tune
Ian with the Elbow Raspberry, Kazoo, and Bhatanese Prayer Wheel. 'What's the question?'!!!