¶ Opening Chat
- Ben's girlfriend is in Estonia for work, with a shower that is a hole that you scoop water in, Beans discuss logistics of this including otters - dotcom bubble (scummy bubble full of otter shit)
- Ben is discombobulated - hotel is like a snowglobe and it's a metaphor for society - "what's cleaner sitting in static water or having very fast piss shot at you?" - listeners sitting in static piss please get in touch
- Ben likes to holiday in former Soviet Block
- Circular ham for breakfast - Ham is not just patience - wild ham, found ham, line caught ham, trawled ham (destroying ham coral), "they've had their ham babies" - homogenous European buffet breakfast
¶ Topic Chat
-
Bean machine runs at 10:20
-
World food buffet in Cardiff - crap it all out in one homogenous world-unifying turd - Ben's troubling secretarian turd - U.N. turd - flags being planted into the turd out of the arses of delegates
-
Mike making a mischief of himself at Vegas Buffet - disorientated in Vegas - "this man dressed as a centurion who gave me a bacon bap, is he my wife?" - gambling access to the house - machine gun legs and using oats for nefarious purposes - poker night with the boys - Poker advice "Aces high!" "three hot mommas!" - Poker players; Stetson Jim, Fat Steve, Papoushka, Fingers McGinty, Raw Dog Dog McLabrador, the Professor, The Riskbot 5210/00/4 Deluxe edition
-
American breakfasts are "puddingy" and not suitable for breakfast time - Henry bought bacon in New York - Gerswhin's Rhapsody in Blue and Henry's clarinet - bacon was all fat with the gentlest thread of old red biro - America has only got 1 pig left awaiting the arrival of the Big Pig - Henry staying in New York with Bob Dylan etc - Extrapolating grand sociological statements about countries based on restaurants - Mike gets his cultural read from the roads (Ben and Henry state this is Big Dad Energy) - Henry giving directions to tourists
-
Paris Syndrome - Americans wanting to go to Paris - hemmed in by brothels - some French croissants are not that great - Brexit is really about croissants - croissants and pain au chocolats on a central plate in a meeting become less exciting for Henry but for Ben it's all he can concentrate on (running through a vale of pain au chocolats) and he's missed all the stocks and commodities
-
Fire fighters and a chemical warehouse burning down (the Horse and the Croissant); Henry's squad are going to the patisserie and bond, Mike's squad are trying to fight the fire "willy-nilly", Ben's squad are cooking the croissants in the chemical fire - tiny millionaires shortbread distracting BP who will eat 89 of these - contrast of Mike with his apple, meat / dairy paste sandwich and a child's size packet of crisps vs Ben covered in chocolate wearing the bucket as a fez with his intestines fusing with fudge - "he brought his mother's ashes?"
¶ Emails
- 46:30
Buffet of correspondence:
-
- Nick from the USA - discovered Branston Pickle, pickle adventure, self pickling
-
- Bizarre email from Sperbs but written as Benjamin S Partridge
-
- Frazer watched the live stream - had imagined Henry with curly hair, Mike as fat and bald, Ben didn't organise people to sit under the correct beans - Mike's flip-flops, feet like an 1980's lifeguard / detective, Mike's Baywatch character, "hoverflops", Mike mentions a tweet that he is cancelled for bare feet in an urban area, Baywatch Mike cleaning up Pam's turd on the beach rather than saving the drowning girls
-
- Ben wrote the email address wrong at the livestream and Adam has been sending emails to the wrong address, including one about being nibbled by an octopus' combi mouth-anus. Additional plug for Beef and Dairy Network live show with "Baywatch's Mike Wozniak" and Henry Paker
¶ Jingles
- 10:00 Digestive Tract Talk
¶ Notable Quotes
- It comes down to the old question, doesn’t it, what’s cleaner? Sitting in some static water, or having very, very, very fast piss shot at you?
- Every time you’re eating ham ever, something has happened to that meat.
- Europe needs protein. Your children’s futures are dependent on him having at least the option of eating brie before 9am.
- Crap it all out in one homogenous, world-unifying turd.
- Pushing a turd around a table with a broom is the ultimate metaphor for the proliferation of nuclear weapons.
- Fingers McGinty!
- I sold all the stocks in return for 5 croissants.
- Hang on, has that guy got two specially built individual jet-skis, one for each foot?
- Have they finally mastered hover-flop technology?
Kelly Vivanco's Show Art