¶ Opening Chat
- Henry's holiday to France and Covid admin
- Henry puking delicious patè
- Hazlenuts being thrown at Henry by the local children
- Admin disaster zone
- Sympathetic pretty brie sweat
- Mike's (almost) covid test at a vetinary laboratory
- Lunch is the musak of Henry's life
¶ Topic Chat
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Bean machine starts up at 10:20
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The virus Boris Johnson - time travelling founding members of the Conservative Party - "was Dominic Cummings in Billy Elliot?"
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Mike "the body" Wozniak and Henry the lizard, lever puller (with one very long finger)
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Mike's key demographic (married women between 40-56) - Mike's future advertising antacids- "Mike might be getting the credit but he's just an empty great body"
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Every time Michael Ball sings a high C another part of Andrew Lloyd-Webber withers
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Derek Spermwhale
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Gary The Sauce, nickname for Tim Rice
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Post apocalyptic planners - Grain silo - Goat silo - Grain zombies
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"the Great Shrinkening"
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Mike stoving his own head in because of British Summertime
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Big red button and Henry being freaked out by this when eating fish fingers
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Portsmouth smushed to nothing by a piece of glass
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Mike's military schooling (army) and fear of the IRA - "there's a lot of buffing in the army" - weekend S.A.S mission
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Das Monopoly - Der Kerplunken - nobody knows Buckaroo
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Bureaucratic dystopia (Mike likes the sound of it)
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Henry's cube based dystopia - "I can see a skycube" Outbreak (monkey in a helicopter) - Cube: The Movie and stapler technology
¶ Emails
- 40:12
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- Peter - pigeons having sex in the missionary position. Royals in pigeon costumes. 50p piece next to Steven Redgrave.
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- Stephen Smith of the Dragon Soup Café - missing out yeast when hearing the 20% discount was announced. Invoice for £18 for ruined focaccias - Henry's rebranding advice "Soup Bread Cafe and Toilet"
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- lots of images of UK section of their supermarket. Additional livestream plug - "The Greatest Show On Earth". Doves. People who died testing out the zero gravity ice rink. Contracts printed in Basque beige on brown, Mike using the El Padron operating system, which incessantly talks to him.
¶ Jingles
- 44.04 Lewd Content Warning
¶ Notable Quotes
- I was puking delicious pâté out of every orifice.
- We need to take a swab from his udders.
- Bit of xenophobia there, from old BP!
- At this point, most of the surface of my body is just encrusted in hazelnuts, like one of those people with a bee beard, imagine that but hazelnuts.
- We assume Bremen, unless stated.
- We must position Wozniak in Channel 4, get him onto Taaaskmaaaaster.
- If we can combine with Osman, we will become unstoppable!
- I can manipulate data, I can control public opinion, but I can’t get that sodding blanket onto my legs.
- What’s that guy called … there’s a guy called Derek Spermwhale or something?
- Was that your family coming back and you were talking about stoving your own head in?
- The guy outside you thought was a zombie was actually just a topless guy mowing his lawn.
- I want you to pour two things: more troops into certain death and more brandy into this glass!
- Why would the most elite part of the army have someone who only does it on the weekend?
- Kerplunk is the German sound of lots of marbles falling through a sort of thing with lots of rods through it.
- Nice Soup Dragon Café you’ve got here, be a shame if a loads of people got 20% off.
- Me gusta Miguel, me gusta.
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