¶ Opening Chat
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Henry starts with a "Spppooookkkyyy Beans" idea - they discuss how to make the episode a Halloween one and Ben suggests a spooky intro
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Bluebell briefly levitated - Bluebell was chasing a "perfectly round" spider (like a pea, or a spider on a stag do in a zorb) - spider stag do jokes - Bluebell was dancing a "sinister danse macabre of death" like a belly dancer "erotic but laced with death" - Bluebell and the spider have shagged and the spider can't wait to tell his mates on the whatsapp group
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Bluebell's anal gland problem, they suggest this would make a good Halloween outfit - Bluebell makes the shape of a ski jump when she wants to kill the spider but can't see it when very close, so the spider kept moving towards Bluebell - Bluebell then stands on the spider - "don't have an interspecies one night stand with a British Shorthair" is the moral of the story. They discuss that adverts might happen in series 3 (ssppookkkyy capitalism)
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Ben is trying to get as much "Let's go Peleton" in the episode as possible (he is in the target market) - "Hello Courgette" has changed Henry's life - they discuss the takeover of Hello Courgette, the end point being just Henry talking about a boiled courgette - Ben has a fridge full of courgettes- Henry discusses the sacrificial carrot in the bag which is completely bendy. Boiled courgettes, Three Bean Courgette.
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Emails about when Ben announces the topic in relation to the jingle. They suggest that listening to the actual sounds Ben makes during the bean machine selection needs to be masked. Henry suggests that such sounds will give you "owl head" / like listening to an eclipse.
¶ Topic Chat
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Bean Machine pops off at 18:20
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Ben starts with a disclaimer about being respectful, but Henry suggests the survivors would now all be dead
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Mike suggests that if you're brought up by walruses you would live longer (less dust mite exposure)
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In Exeter no-one is ready for a killer whale attack - A real killer whale telling a riddle is at the doors of the Sealife Centre - the line between Bluebell and a killer whale is short and thin - discussions as to if Bluebell and a killer whale could breed and the technicalities of this (mock Italian restaurant)
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Titanic food court - the churros maker kept making churros as the Titanic sank "they said it couldnt be dunked" - The churros stand might be able to help with the "biggest dunking in history", suggesting that the 14 year old on the concession stand fed himself through the churros nozzle
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Ben's interaction with some youths who asked where the Titanic left from - teenage boys turning into middle-aged men discussing trivia - Ben said he thought it was Southampton and then got pelted with milkshakes
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Ben brings up the fact there are light bollocking emails and he suggests listener bollocking of the week...
¶ Bollockings
First official "Listener Bollocking of the Week" directed at Mike. From Walter PhD from Austria, about glass being liquid and that The Shard will look like a giant nipple in 500 years time. Walter says glass is an amorphous solid. Mike challenges Walter to a "frozen head off" to see if in 500 years the Shard does look like a nipple or not (winner gets the other's organs). Henry says Walter is "thicker at the top". Henry suggests Walter puts an ice cube in a gin and tonic and chill out. Henry suggests states (solid, liquid, gas, cream) can change with energy applied to it; for example turning gravy into a solid and a tiger into a man-eating gas
¶ Emails
- 31:42
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- Lewis - the cube script would need to be 3500 pages and 38.89 hours long
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- Iona in Aberdeen, local band called Depeche Chode. Henry surprised that stayed in the edit, Mike says he did ask Henry if the edit was ok but Henry didn't listen to it, instead just waiting an hour and saying it was fine
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- Next emailer is "Susanised" for fear of reputational damage. Pilot ate three bean chilli (purely based on the podcast) during the flight, which was too hot, then hitting turbulence, then having to drink sachets of long-life UHT milk.
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- Ellie works for a famous Viking museum and the Vikings didn't force their elderly relatives off cliffs. Free tour at the museum as long as Henry doesn't turn it into a predatory tech company ("a modern day Viking of tech"). Ben suggests that if you say Pompidou at the ticket booth you get 20% off (Ellie doesn't say this but Ben thinks it is heavily implied)
¶ Jingles
- 5:26 Lewd Content Warning
- 6:30 (Feline) Digestive Tract Talk
- 31:29 Listener Bollocking
¶ Theme Tune
- Lilian - Three Viola Salad version
¶ Notable Quotes
- Spppooooooky litigation!
- An eight-eyed arachnoform!
- It’s kind of erotic but laced with death, you know, le petit mort.
- Well, don’t have an interspecies one-night stand with a British Shorthair.
- Don’t worry about the fact that it is now called Three Courgette Salad.
- The time you thought you were giving birth and it turned out to be a courgette!
- I hear they spent more on crockery for that ship than they spent on veterans of the Crimean War.
- All the different states: solid, gas, liquid… cream.
- That’s a bit rough, given that Ben is less letters than “et al.”.
- Well, Walter as you pointed out, church windows are thicker at the bottom, but you, I think, are slightly thicker at the top.
- Eat my amorphous solid, Walter!
- It’s like podcasting with Aristotle.
- Are you gonna Susan-ise them?
- He sweeps through towns and he siliconises them.
- He’s a modern-day Viking… of tech.
- Do you think indoors is underground?
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