¶ Opening Chat
Email from Ewan Evans about what the Beans might look like. What would the podcast sound like with each combination of just two Beans?
Henry and Mike = Militaristic/ Child dynamic (no choc ices!)
Mike and Ben = Tide Times.
Ben and Henry = Manservant Anthony.
The Beans have a new website featuring dogmeat. Desert Island Discs' luxury of a machine that turns you into dogmeat.
Henry's job in a giftshop selling Brabantia, Le Creuset and NASA Space pens.
¶ Topic Chat
Henry's ankle injury from 5-aside football has baffled many physios - he has a full-backwards foot so can wear two left shoes (as left is technically right backwards).
Henry gives a Biology lesson in which he explains how bones and ligaments work, with reference to little ambulances and zorbs. He realises that he is slowly being fossilised and that his blood cells will go and start again in a fox.
Henry got his injury due to peer pressure. He was on the 5-aside circuit (with a good selection of tabards) and had just got onto the football pitch (the size of 20 full sized snooker tables) and felt his lower left leg bone fall on to the ground. Instead of going home he asked to go in goal, kept a stiff upper lip and cried internally until he could get to hospital.
Mike and Ben feel they were 'solidly mediocre' at school PE lessons. Discussion of doing PE in pants or in the grim, vomit-stained kit kept at the back of the cupboard.
Ben feels that competeive cyclists have put him off cycling as he prefers gently cycling with baguettes in his bike basket and a crab nestled in his butt cheeks.
At school, Henry was one of 'Six Spare Boys' who were completely demoted out of the football system: 'In the Kingdom of the Blind, I was a vaguely functional human'.
All the big guys were there: Hamilton, Voltaire, Columbus and George Washington. Henry's use of 'Perigrination' brings about the subsequent apologetic phonecall from Ben to Henry. But not from Mike.
Henry soon realised he was afraid of the ball hurting him so he mastered the technique of becoming an optical illusion.
Possible sponsorship deals discussed, including shuttlecocks, diet Fanta, and Schwartz cumin.
Kelly Vivanco's Show Art
¶ Emails
No emails but the Beans introduce the concept of the Patreon and 'explain' all the tier options.
¶ Jingles
25:03 - Bean machine
1:05:40 - The premiere of the Patreon jingle (review by Mike: 'Quite menacing.')
¶ Bollockings
Light bollocking for Mike from Tom: The Marine Life Centre in Torquay closed down. Re-bollock-back from Walter of Austria to Henry: A glass of glass!
¶ Notable Quotes
- I suppose the question is: does our physical appearance enhance or detract from … the experience with us?
- There will be no choc ices for a YEAR! A YEAR! I MEAN IT! I mean it!
- We’ve managed to get the Tides, from New Haven, Connecticut, in 1743.
- Anthony! Bring me my meats!
- What’s … it’s the equivalent of a kind of hard mouse pad, but for a plate, what do you call them?
- There is no difference between me and the cloud. We are as one.
- What do I lick? WHAT DO I LICK?
- It’s only the upper lip which needs to be stiff, so the bottom lip can go for it.
- All the big guys from the 1500s were there: Hamilton, Voltaire, Columbus, and George Washington.
- Sure, we can peregrinate around the grounds all day!
- Is that a Möbius strip made of flesh?
- Eugenides? You ge-need these shuttlecocks!
- Why not try an elbow beard?
- Also, by all means have a tipple on the horses.
- Henry, if you’re so clever, why don’t you just pour yourself a nice … glass of glass. Because it’s oh so liquid.