¶ Opening Chat
Lessons in how to cry on camera (just don't blink) and using Stanislavski's principles when playing Macbeth. The nearest Mike had come to being the King of Scotland was being selected as Scorer in the U11 cricket team.
Cats as the most authentic of actors. And turkeys, snakes and moths. Theatre lighting was invented to light the moths.
Lloyd Webber made Cats as he was scared a real cat would steal his thunder.
Mike's acting quiver contains arrows of bombast, pomp, dance moves and blue jokes. But has no history of emotional experience to draw on at all.
Henry's wish to number the series and episodes eg this one as S4E1. It's been a bugbear of his for a while apparently. Will Series 4 be full of internal Bean strife? They are different people now. Eg Ben has had a haircut.
Mike is the same as ever - his body cells don't even reproduce. He asserts that brain cells don't reproduce in anyone.
Ben as a baby was Stanislavski's cat. But covered in sputum.
Henry would like a numbered approach to the podcast as they have no credits. Ben would like some as opposed to the usual 'shambling nonsense' they start with now.
It is exciting to be at the forefront of this 'new' medium. Like in the salons and cafes of Weimar Germany.
Why not go for a Seasonal approach ('Early Spring 2022' with piano accompaniment)? The worms are finally on the wing and the old lady who lives next door is entirely covered with ants.
¶ Topic Chat
Henry's roar then Ben's Jurassic Park theme tune. Jurassic World is a different incarnation and a sign of aging. Did Chris Pratt control velociraptors with his hands? He's a muscular Dolittle.
Frogs were used to modify the DNA to create TadRexes. How to prevent the dinosaurs excaping next time? Have a safety announcement like at Go Ape (Monkey Kingdom), and have more railings.
The Beans would prefer movies where everything goes to plan – eg rather than have a film based in the spooky cabin in the woods, set it in an Ibis hotel.
The Pret A Manger-ification of culture has happened - we now measure time in the re-bootings of Spiderman films. Mike's 80s Spiderman reprisal has brought in listeners. He still has a sac of spiders and prepares for the Spring spider bursting.
What is a fossil (an indentation or a thing)? None of them can answer with any certainty.
P&O could start using Patreon jingle to promote their Ferries of the Dead bound for Cherbourg. Henry reads the terms and conditions with a rich and smooth last syllable. It makes you feel like a champagne flute in the hands of a good GP.
Henry's disbelief that dinosaurs were real as they are far too marketable as a design. Maybe they were invented by Smiggle.
Suggestion that a Provincial Dad jingle is required.
Kelly Vivanco's Show Art
¶ Emails
David from Belfast (within main chat): (immediate eff yourself from Henry) S3 was lacking fresh jingles (call for listener suggestions), David suggests a jingle for 'The Henry Blindspots'(eg. the difference between rugs and carpets).
Baxter's factory tour (Henry likes Royal Game soup) (Sharon, Guildford)
Lots of emails on opposites, including one from Luke, Cork (where he also destroys the beans as being the opposite of Sarah Koenig and must take on their debt)
¶ Jingles
05:58 - Lewd Content
29:07 - Lewd Content
30:24 - Patreon
38:36 - Provincial Dad (first time!)
¶ Sean Bean Lounge
Spring Awards Gala (also known as the Beanscars)
¶ Listener Theme Tune
Dream Pop by Paddy Cole, Brighton
¶ Bollockings
Branston Pickle subsumes all other flavour (Bill Hughes, near Seattle) – Adoption of British expressions like 'a right bollocking' with suggestion that beans use y'all (Whitney, Mississippi, with voicenote)
¶ Notable Quotes
- I think it was Stanislavsky who also said, if there’s a play going on: no matter how good it is, if a live cat was to be released onto the stage, that’s all anyone will look at and watch.
- That’s why, to this day, cats are not allowed to buy – well, not able to buy tickets for West End shows, or even Fringe Theatre.
- The two heartiest and most dependable arrows in Mike’s quiver: pomp and bombast.
- If you went to a cat show / and Mike turned up, and started licking his own anus / I’d draw the eye!
- The point I was making is that Mike, of course, has no history of emotional experience at all to draw on, because he is the Man of Granite. He is the Tin Man.
- Let’s start Series 4 with a bit of internecine Pompidou beef.
- Some would argue that when you were born you had full wisdom because you were thinking without language.
- He’s sort of doing a satirical dance where is he is dressed both as the person and the airship, and it’s a comment, on the future of Germany.
- In the world of podcasting, where Sarah Koenig’s “Serial” podcast put a urinal in an art gallery, Three Bean Salad is pissing in it.
- Look into the glass of water … there’s three Tad-Rexes frolicking.
- I am ready now for a movie where everything just goes to plan … when it’s all just absolutely fine.
- It’s the Pret-a-Mangerification of culture, it’s happened!
- Which Spider-Man cycle did you grow up in?
- The ferry of the dead … which today, is going to Cherbourg!
- You can say that as much as you like, but for me to know it, I would have to be pecked by an octopus.
- I’m gonna get out there, I’m gonna tool up, and I’m gonna kill some folks.