Henry starts getting caught in a sound loop, with layers like The Princess and The Pea. He is making loops like KT Tunstall. Mike and Ben are labelled, 'The Snooze Brothers' as are anti- experimentation in the form.
Podcasting is now in the semi-regulated West – mountain lions are broadsheet reviewers in this metaphor. The Beans haven't been reviewed or Mike would know, thanks to his mother's alerts system even when Korean teenagers criticise his ties.
Ben has Google alert for his name but it pings mainly for his footballer namesake – there is a Celtic remnant in Ben's name: Partridge was a profession in the days of the hunt, when they grazed in herds. The elephant partridge's tongue was prized and, when swaddling a baby, it guaranteed good exam grades.
Art exam is a crap-shoot though and Henry carries a cross in the shape of a B for his A-Level Art result (James Joyce got an A). Should be graded by either winning the Turner Prize or not.
Mike calls acceptable watercolours of Cornish seaside scenes 'real art' and the Tate Modern should be a turned into a car park or back into a power station. He thinks London Aquarium is the real art, to see the ray's face from underneath. And those making new vape juice flavours are the cutting edge/Da Vincis of our time. He likes unobtrusive watercolours of recognisable scenes – not like Monet or Seurat where you can't even see the boat.
Bean Emergency!: Mike's laptop breakdown catastrophe – all of Devon is now on the new laptop with 'devon1' password for everything. When asked, 'Enable mega-scoop?', Mike clicked 'yes'.
He is now showing the new laptop Devon hospitality: he's poured cream into it, taken it surfing, walked through some bogs, cooked fungus on it, set it on fire and then chased it. The mic sound went wrong because of the pot of fungus pushing on space bar.
Henry turns to Ben for tech insight as Ben is the Elon Partridge, like an Apple Store genius (but is he cool?). The Chief Luddite is Henry (he is incensed) – he and Mike are battling it out at the bottom of the melee. Ben is the hawker at the side of the battlefield with Henry & Mike grunting in the mud (which one to finish off or leave for the ravens/crows/worms?)
Start with whiskers, end up with tusks – time and anger doing the compressing – an angry, focussed pony-tail – Bebop and Rocksteady in TMNT had both pony-tail and tusk.
Clarksonish anti-teenager moans – fave tusked animals:
Mike - walrus, elephant
Ben - narwhal (is it a tusk if it doesn't come out of your mouth?) Is it compressed hair? Wikipedia: narwhals do have tusks (like a unicorn dolphin). Unicorn as horned/tusked horse – sabre-toothed horse on rucksacks.
Mike's childhood visitation to a house with elephant-foot umbrella holder (ideal size for 6 or 7) – don't see that much any more. When Ben's grandmother died, she left some fur coats - what to do with them? Imagining Ben in a mink coat cutting a dash through the streets of Cardiff!
Arctic regions person on the Tube was dressed in pelts. Henry's quest for ethical waterproof pelt (wool?).
Victorian Brits looked at an elephant and thought, 'I could make a fucking good spoon out of that'
Fleetwood Mac album 'Tusk' – Henry sings the song 'Tusk' – Mike interupts with 'bollocking prevention alert' to correct Ben's error (Dreams/Rumours).
Guns'n'Roses 'Chinese Democracy' were only words left to name the album, like naming the podcast.
Owl Fuckerz (Henry has made this alternative podcast) with Bad Boy Tawny and Pellet (aka Eamonn Holmes and Gabby Roslin).
Mercedez-Benz advert results in firing Eamonn into/out of the owl anus ('the pellet returneth') and pellets are coughed up, not shat out. Eamonn falls into a vat of Ben & Jerry's. A German-accented car manufacturer voices, 'Think of the garage as the owl's anus'. They all got hammered on the flight back from Germany, Eamonn was shot by air marshall, Gaby fell asleep in a pool of her own sick, and Henry watched the second half of Marley and Me.
Kelly Vivanco's Show Art
Ruby (Sydney) – to tell the beans apart has a 3-step heuristic:
Henry tries out his advertising voice on promoting wheat ('husks, chaff, grains...'); financial products (Scottish accent = trustworthy) – bagpipe background for HorseBank ad v stirring – does Welsh = soothing (lulling, lolling, smooth hills) – need to cut this part as Henry reaches for sheep
Matt – Warehouse Operations Manager – LED lights are immediate and silent (confirming Ben's thesis)
10:55 - Pompidou (bean emergency version)
34:08 - Listener Bollocking
40:21 - Bluebell (fade-out version)
Angling
Carl – Bean Requiem (for a funeral or end of a season)
Henry & Mike both guess the topic of the bollocking: Doggy Chocolate Calculator (set the email bag on fire) (not cutting out Mike, much as the Owl Fuckerz would want to – Gaby Roslin is vicious) – Tom (one of many) husband of vet nurse wife gives the main bollocking
Dana: fluffs the truth sometimes (but what?) re tortoise screams/backwards pigeons
Cian shatters his teeth and caves in his skull with shock – Mike apologises (bollocking accepted)
James (another vet) – constantly harranged by pet owners – dog vomit contains batteries, used sanpro, sex toys. Henry brings up Bluebell as cats would never do this – in UK, because of the NHS, people are always eating batteries and sex toys
Tom reports that the Beans spent 13 minutes on the topic of Mountains / 12 minutes on Ben's toaster / 7 minutes on dog choc / 5 minutes on cudgelling and that the topics need more deference (Henry says Tusks will redress the balance). Ben explains about the tiredeness issue (after 20 minutes). Mike does cover the topic comprehensively but it's too boring for broadcast 'Be careful what you wish for' – verdict: Reflecto-Bollock
Benjamin (bollocker, not BP) – Welsh cake isn't bread/baked but Henry rejects as his main point is raisins, not baking ('It's all molecules in the end') – verdict: Reflecto-Bollock