¶ Opening Chat
- Ben's return to the cinema after 2 1/2 years! Confused by "Jurassic World Dominion", though unsure if by the film or the screen. 'A screen is as big as as many rows of seats you've got' (HP) / 'That's the equation isn't it?' (MW)
- IMDb whilst watching a film at home, e.g. Kevin was Policeman 2! But which name is the character and which the actor? Batman is playing Christian Bale, reverse method acting.
- Mike declares all Jurassic Parks are the same film: 'We've made some dinosaurs! Oh no, they're loose again! Oh, what a pickle!'
- The franchise use bigger words from the thesaurus each time reflecting the widening domination: 'Jurassic World: Judiciary!' and 'Jurassic World: VAT Audit!'
- Henry's Jeff Goldblum impression.
- Excruciating reaching for the name Sam Neill.
- Henry's review of 'Bergman Island': 'Fucking hell, it was absolute shite.' A film within a film within a film - 'Bog off! Where's the stegasaurus?!'
- Taking in tiramisu instead of popcorn out of respect for arty film.
- Mike sitting back with his Pick n Mix watching Top Gun: Maverick at an out-of-town multiplex. Review: 'I had an absolute blast'.
- Mike activated Provincial Dad style expectations of the film, as he does on holidays in the rain/ when the steam mountain railway has shut down etc.
- Clever use of perspective deployed to make Tom Cruise appear taller in the film. Val Kilmer pops up like Mufasa. Ryan Gosling playing son of Goose.
- Henry's Top Gear/ Top Gun mix up.
- 'What is Great Balls of Fire?' A holding lyric.
- Geese in Top Gun - 'Goose 2.0', 'Gooooooose!' (Honk)
- Henry's assertion that geese are used as security guards in airports causes Mike to boldly claim he will eat his hat if it's true. (Watch this space)
¶ Topic Chat
- Mike was last in a Service Station (Sedgemoor) making a personal appearance featuring Minion keyrings.
- The Jewel in the Crown of Service Stations: Gloucester. So good that Ben went there for his birthday lunch.
- It's similar to Tebay in bucolic idyll vibe, where Mike had had to wait ten minutes for a flock of geese (not security) to stop 'lording it about'.
- Adult skills include being able to enter a Service Station and confidently 'not end up in the bus bit', or back on the motorway without having stopped.
- Piss Maths!
- Ben brings up how French Service Stations are a cut above the ones in the UK, having got forested picnic areas and table, dessert and kids' wines.
- Henry warns that the UK is slipping towards 'an entirely packeted food universe'. His local garage has had a refurb! Explanation of Snyder's for new listeners. The garage now has a machine providing 'The Best hotdog in the World!'
- Garages with toilets become the runts of the big league.
- Costa machines with baristas inside them.
- Henry's hatred of 'packety packets everywhere' causes him to yearn for something fresh: scallops/ lobsters/ 'death-row hog' (Better name than a hog roast, especially at a wedding)
- Ben's best sandwich of his life was at a Service Station in Northern Italy, which also involved marrying the mayor's daughter: 'That's Italy isn't it? It's love and hate and passion all wrapped up. And superb sandwiches.'
- Henry's greatest sandwich of his life was also in Italy, from a shop with real hams hanging up, and lowered by a ham winch. It comprised ham, simple mozzarella, simple tomato, and basil from a plant growing outside.
- 'Do you like a Service Station with a little bridge?' Talk of the services with their mirror opposite: 'a dark, evil version on the other side!'
- The services at Services include: massage chairs, Ginsters' plinth, Yop bidet, chart showing when the toilets were last cleaned and by whom.
- Differences between the opposite Service Stations: the pzazz of the ones heading into London where there are stars in the eyes/ show tunes/ Tim Rice grabby machine/ toilets cleaned by Chris de Burgh.
- Whereas the opposite ones are Services of Broken Dreams/ no sighting of Michael Ball/ only 2 prongs on the metal claw machine and no toys, only a livid rat.
Kelly Vivanco's Show Art
¶ Emails
- Josh - 'A fellow victim of the National Student Drama Festival' at Scarborough. Mention of 'The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui (with live skiffle band)' causes Henry physically to relive the pain of being 'similarly savaged in the cauldron of feedback.'
- Henry is happy to take another email until he hears it: Ross from Bremen undercover bollocks him for the anecdote being as massive a waste of time as Waiting for Godot itself. Mike comments, 'Poor Henry, he's as flat as a pancake'.
- A student production of a Grisham would be great!
- Darren emails with a tale of Underground woe recounting when he took an embarrassingly obvious photo of Ben Myles, with flash and sound effect.
- Henry is providing a service of catharsis, triggering an outpouring of emotions: 'I say, "I see you" to, what's he called again?!'
¶ Jingles
- Provincial Dad (12:14)
- Emails (45:15)
- Patreon (53:18)
¶ Sean Bean Lounge
- The Biennial Poultry Measuring Jimboree
¶ Listener Theme Tune
- Phil Evans from Bremen in Southwest London submits a child's toy camera which plays 'The Spooky Song' which sounds (spookily) like the theme tune, especially at 20 seconds in. (Mattel vs Three Bean Salad)
¶ Notable Quotes
- We’ve made some dinosaurs. Oh no, they’re loose again. Oohh, what a pickle!
- The next one will be: “Jurassic World: Judiciary”.
- “Jurassic World: VAT Audit”
- Goldblum is just doing his thing where he manages to turn into any sentence into a sort of wonderful little discovery.
- It’s always like he’s looking at his shoulder at you when he’s playing jazz piano at the same time, even if there’s not a piano in a 50-mile radius.
- Sam Neillllllllllll!
- It’s a film about film! BOG OFF! Where’s the Stegosaurus?
- You have Provincial Dad levels of emotional control.
- We’ll just get into the boot of the Hyundai i10 and play Uno, and that’s fine.
- Gosling playing Goose. Finally, the part he was named to play!
- Do you mean what is the meaning of the lyrics of the song “Great Balls of Fire”?
- Swans belong to the Queen and they can’t work. They’re paid in annual tithe.
- They’re birds of leisure. They’re birds who lunch.
- If I just want to find out something, I figured out I can just say it on the podcast and just see what the bollocking says.
- If that turns out to be true, I shall eat my hat, Henry.
- You went to Gloucester Services for your birthday?
- So only people with dicks can piss in the car?
- I have not tasted the sweet tang of offal in over two hours.
- I love that your local garage is like the kind of gastronomic centre of your life.
- He’s lowering the ham using the ham winch!
- He managed to capture the true essence of the play, because his anecdote was also boring, didn’t go anywhere and was overall a massive waste of time.