- Ben’s computer hasn’t crashed for almost a year! It’s like Muhammad Ali winning the championship belt at 35. You have to get two belts in life, but they are at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. Prize winning belts aren’t practical (difficult to add new holes). Belts are a weird thing to win but so are cups. At least cups can go on a shelf, belts need mannequins. BP was shocked as a child that the winners don’t get to keep the cup. Does the team have to work out a timeshare rota? Who wants it in November? IS there a bad month to have the world cup? The World Cup isn’t even a cup. There may be some agricultural uses?! If you win the World Cup enough times you get to keep it – is this true?
- Ben shares another thing that blew his mind as a child (not death, they will have sorted that by the time he has to face it! – if they can get a 3 layer sandwich in a box, they can do anything – or maybe they have been procrastinating) It was actually that Left and Right are opposite if you face the other way. Had just worked out magnetic left and mapping the dark left.
- Henry mentions being in a town square. The other beans ask where he grew up! BPs dad explains the concept of the infinite left and right. So now he doesn’t believe in the idea of left – it’s a conspiracy! Good job you can rely on up and down!
- The other mind-blowing thing was that shop cashiers don’t take home all of the money at the end of the day! – Another example of the wisdom of children (feel free to create a jingle!) They’re so happy holding the cup but what we’re teaching them is that its all meaningless. Its just a funny dance and rectangles of paper.
- Ben doesn’t celebrate by dancing around. Henry can simply do the dance anyway. Mike feels sorry for the player who hasn’t played. Nobody said a cup was a pointless object (Henry was talking to the 4th Bean). All cups should have 2 handles – for tug-o-cup? – no, if there’s one handle someone gets hot fingers. Why aren’t there 2? – don’t talk to me about dishwasher logistics and the sacrifice of the carrier bag cupboard! If you have 2, why not 3, 4, 5 etc until handles are so dense you cant get your fingers in. Is the disappointment of not getting to keep the cup a sign of the materialism of children? That and a lack of understanding sponsorship deals and wage structures. Get in touch with OmniBank (a tiger with your face and Satan’s heart!).
- Does a 4-year-old worry about securing their legacy? The beans realised that they just invented Boss Baby. HPs legacy is as shaky as a Christmas pudding on a chop stick, all on fire (petrol, not brandy). Spoiler, all flames are dangerous except the flame of friendship.
- Henry says an old flame got in touch. A sexy monk! Not exactly dating (on and off). He chants 95% of the 24 hours and is currently on a 90-day barefoot pilgrimage in France. Its not just his pews he keeps in order (he shaves his downstairs because of lice (and he needs the hair for shirts)).
- Podcast crossover episode (after Owlfuckers refused). That would have been the shark jump megadon 3 pointer.
- Mike had spare time this week, now his show has bedded in. He’s gone through the anxiety and excitement but now its as dull as working in the wafer factory. Not enjoyable, dry and dull.
- Henry has started to pre-record his bits (from the Patagonian Mountains) and the other beans have to edit and record around him. He finds it so boring that he has to experience extreme beauty just to stay focussed. He is now free zorbing off the edge of a cliff just to provide some energy to the recording. Mike is touring by zorb (starting in Cumbria and then zorbing downhill to the south). Hasn’t managed to minimise puking (which is a shame) and now he knows what its like to be a sock in a washing machine of puke. Hard to organise his tour in altitudinal order so there will be some “zorbal huffing” up the M6. He did have a Shetland Pony called “Excelsior” to help but it didn’t like the puke so has retired to a pony farm somewhere north of Leeds and is now writing memoirs about being a Shetland pony in a washing machine of puke and socks. It’s a bit embarrassing when people from the show drive past while he’s in the hard shoulder with a puncture, crying. The zorb isn’t registered with the AA. Sometimes when he’s tired, he zorbs into the road to be bumped along. He can’t park the zorb in a service station but can use the air pump!
- Mike had some “me time” this week. Normally he eats Kit Kats and ponders his mistakes. Sometimes he has “meat time” which is when he sculpts those he has wronged out of sausage innards. Ben notices the hotel art (actually in a flat with excellent parking facilities – and now that’s all he can talk about! – although there’s no breakfast provided, which he didn’t think of at the time.)
- Mike has spent his time the way the beans and James Cameron would have wished for – watching Avatar 2 in 3D and IMAX! The biggest screen in Europe! Its too big – we are not designed to empathise with the giant face of a god!
- HP says storytelling is about stumbling across a second hand bookstore (McCrinkle and Sons) filled with old fashioned books and flapjacks that open like books (flapbookjacks). They discuss liking the smell of books and BP calls his kindle Optimus Prime (an evil robot). McCrinkle and Sons don’t feel the need to offer the biggest copy of Ulysses, where each word is bigger than a car!
- While watching Avatar 2, MW was slightly troubled by a child sitting nearby who could have been no more than 5, sitting at a right angle, wedged in (the shape of a book! – don’t you love the smell of a dusty old child!?) Adults fill the chair – like the way of water! Although Mike was quite stressed about the child sitting through a 3 hour film (including battles and a severed arm in slow mo) she was obviously quite battle-tested and just had one piddle. The beans predict she will turn into a serial killer who leaves a small piece of popcorn on the body and targets the Blue Man Group.
- Mikehad to sacrifice brain (memory) to make space for the experience. He found bits hard to follow, like the “whaleans” who all have tattoos (who is doing them? Don’t you have to stay out of water after a tattoo?). Mike summarises his experience as an overwhelming feeling of regret and time lost. He could have been sat in a café, thinking about his cheap apartment. You can't daydream in a loud IMAX watching Avatar 2 in 3D. He felt like he’d seen 18 films in one: coming of age, fish out of water, dancing with wolves (and Buffalo!).
- Henry didn’t wee for 3.5hrs! He wasn’t bored exactly – but gives a lengthy and detailed explanation including slaps in the face and toothpaste in the pants that explains this – kind of!
- Did the beans ruin Mike's afternoon? He felt he had fulfilled his duty. Mike discusses his need for surround sound, even though no other sound comes from all directions. The beans resolve to never mention Avatar 2 ever again!
- Jake - Uses the Thatcher Chill Zone (from Sleep Episode) but now his Spotify won’t play anything else! - Maybe Sperbs! Will he end up in a 2001 Space Odyssey where Sperbs controls all of his electrical gadgets? The beans recommend that he uses Amazon, one last time, to order a wooden hut to be delivered to Canada and learn how to use all the parts of trout.
- Mike – Based on the beans mention of John Grisham and airports, wanted to share that he saw someone go into an airport toilet with a Grisham novel – now known as “Going for a Full Grisham”. This is followed by discussion of “just reading the blurb” and the complications of airport gates (don’t exist, need a monorail, exist in their own airport – visa and vaccines needed!)
- New Bean Machine Jingle by Hannah from Norwich (22.20)
- Provincial Dad (48.35)
- Peter's New York Miniamlist Email Jingle (52.00)
- Bolocking accepted (53.06)
- Patreon (1.02.13)
- Harley not Harvey is the name of last week's topic submitter. Bollocking accepted on Twitter but made official on the podcast.
- Inflatable Speed Boat Race
- Peter from a bit south of Bremen in the style of Steve Reich
- And you’re approaching roasting age, yourself, aren’t you?
- Infinite lefts
- Thank goodness for up and down, eh?
- Feel free to create a wisdom of children jingle, by the way.
- Father, why is there war?
- How many segments do you expect for me to get out of one orange? I didn’t get into this business for segmenting!
- The Dark Side: Bonjamin, Honry and Moke
- A mug of hot … hot … liquids … I think I might have hit some sort of wall half way through this idea.
- This might be my nadir. I need my Beans around me. Will you be there for me?
- If you’re gonna talk to me about dishwasher logistics, then we can end this conversation right now.
- Imagine a tiger with your face, and Satan’s heart. That’s the OmniBank way.
- We’ve just invented Boss Baby, have we?
- There is going to be quite a lot of zorbal hoofing going on, for me.
- You love the smell of an old child that’s the shape of a book, don’t you?
- But then you realise it’s a French Grammar O-Level guide from 1982, and you think, yes, I’m going to have this!