- Ben shares some papal knowledge and comes up with an idea for a new sitcom, 'Pope in Hell'. TBS goal for 2023 is to get one billion listeners, possibly by giving the pod a more Catholic vibe. Ben's Vatifact comes via a discussion about how Popes are Bollock-Checked (to prevent another Pope Joan, or Pope Susan) – the fact being that when a Pope dies he is hit on the head with a silver hammer. Speculation about size of hammer and how a big one would kill a Pope anyway. 'Who is your Pope?' – JPII = the Pele of Popes, could hammer through the midfield. Henry went to a Catholic School – useful home remedies for his stigmata.
- A plug for Zusa tour by Mike 'Harry Styles' Wozniak. Ben is going to the Cardiff show. Will Henry see it? Yes! Cardigan has the fewest ticket sales but maybe they are waiting to see if the show clashes with a sighting of a beached walrus or an exploding seagull. 'We can't be everyone's cup of tea' – Ben doesn't even drink tea.
- Fredrik from Sweden has sent in his Bean Machine Electro Funk from Sweden jingle (both short and extended) and explains at length how he has made it which pisses off Henry so much that he ends up slagging off the Northern Lights but stops short of criticising ABBA. The music is so good that it caused the disco ball on the Bean Machine to start spinning. The music reminded Henry of feeling very cool when listening to music when out and about, including cycling to his job at the B&Q HQ when he realised he wasn't cool when looking at ducks and thinking they were cool. What does B&Q stand for?
- Topic sent in by Rebecca Abrey's son, Will. Ben suggests that people send in emails stating their relationship to Rebecca, 'The Kevin Bacon of 2023'.
- Henry is very happy for him and Ben to sit back and listen to 57 minutes of Mike telling, 'The Greatest Love Story Ever Told.' How he uses gentle shampoos to clean Pam's nipples, the buffing and the waxing. Explanation of splooting, a new thing for Pam, as 'self-spatchcocking.'
- 27:14 Pam barks! The family reward her.
- Pam sees in GroovyVision. Who would Pam be if she were human? Mike fears she would be like Tom Cruise when he jumped on Oprah's sofa. Dog training is for the good of all but Pam ate the book. She also tried to eat the table legs, especially when they were covered in tabasco. She has a primal fear of cats and also honces. What about Timothée Chalamet? They have ordered his scent so she will get used to him – but it is a combination of Chuck Norris and Nigel Havers.
- Ben has never seen a Chalamet performance. Henry recently saw a photo of him and feels he is beautiful in motion but looks spatchcocked in 2D, like he has a jaw sploot. He looks great from the front but the back of his head looks like backstage at a theatre. Maybe he is cut out for 3D films.
- Henry's review of Avatar 2: a stressful task for him as "I don't know what to do with it mentally." 'One of the very best 2-Star films you'll ever see!'
- Sam emails to say how much he and his partner enjoy listening to the podcast while on train journeys to see each other – ‘Just one more panini darling’ in style of Brief Encounter – and explains how ‘Bollocking Accepted’ and ‘ReflectoBollock’ have proved very useful when navigating arguments in their relationship.
- Ben’s song at 56:25: ‘Last week, I had the idea that people could send in their naysays, But I began to worry that, on the whole, it could feel too negative. So I wonder if we should scrap it? All that said, I think The Rolling Stones are shit.’ Ben and Henry continue to naysay The Stones which Mike thinks is outrageous. They all agree to scrap the naysaying segment as don’t want to go down the Joe Rogan route into ‘Flamin’ Beans’.
- Fredrik from Sweden's Bean Machine Electro Funk jingle (18:37)
- Pam (26.21)
- Ben's naysay song (is this a jingle?) (56:25)
- Patreon (58:25)
- (no email jingle this week)
- Mike spent the Christmas period in the SBL and saw in 2023 with the Traditional Waxed Fruits Duel
- Fredrick’s longer version of the Bean Machine Space Opera
- That’s a sitcom isn’t it: “Pope In Hell”.
- It’s a Vatifact, yes!
- And also still the only Pope to actually do a bicycle kick live on TV, while being filmed, during the Easter address.
- Mike Wozniak’s show, is almost, I would say, as good as watching a dead walrus explode.
- It was years ago, I was working as a receptionist at the headquarters of B&Q.
- Did you find out what B&Q stand for?
- She’s got very into splooting over the Christmas period.
- They sort of self-spatchcock themselves.
- You can’t expect a dog to read a book!
- She actually only stopped eating the table legs when we stopped putting condiments on the table legs. It was too bland.
- We’ve got some quite hench cats nearby.
- Do you think Chalamet is able to sploot his own face?
- That’s exactly what happens in an Attenborough documentary, except in the Attenborough documentary it’s a real fish, whereas in this one, it’s just not a real fish.
- Is one of the Na’avi listening to an iPod shuffle?
- I half expected the cheeky paper clip to appear and go … Looks like you’re making a dogshit movie.
- There’s a huge whale beast that talks … Telling you the truths of the sea.
- The level of spirituality and that kind of stuff feels like it’s from a 1980s leaflet in a yoga studio.
- Telepathic Mega Sea Chicken