- Henry taking a hammer to the birds to enact swift avian justice.
- Ubiquitous red kites and people throwing hammers into the sky, united through a common foe.
- How did they make the first hammer?
- Henry's B in A-Level art (banal, boring, baverage, bediocre).
- Picasso was so bad that he fermented societal change. Guernica was an attempt at painting dogs playing snooker.
- Henry over-impressed by the countryside like being high at Glastonbury (even from the M4) until his mother brought him down to earth about a cabbage white butterfly (the most boring one).
- Osprey (not the day-bag company) impressive because it's rare.
- Official Three Bean Recommendation for the podcast 'A Very British Cult': Five Hot Beans! A 'Soggy Chickpea' is the worst on the scale of Beans ratings.
- Three Bean Salad got into Top 12 of the iTunes Podcast Chart but how would Ben know this when he never Googles such things, never sits in the dark in his garret poring over the chart information?
- Brecon Beacons (now called Bannau Brycheiniog) is where Ben goes biking on his fully foldable Hyundai i10. Bigger because it folds out, making it heavier and more cumbersome, red-hot liquids leaking, angry wheels always spinning. Ben is both an ambassador and Premium Club member for Hyundai, testing the beta models.
- The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is definitely not deep into the 200s in the chart and anyway, Ben wouldn't know about it if it was. Especially when he slaves over it, pouring blood, sweat and tears into it. Certainly wouldn't be less popular than just some blokes talking toss.
- Henry reassures Ben with a Coldplay-based analogy but then decides a better analogy is when Anthony Hopkins turns up in a sci-fi = Three Bean Salad versus when he's in Howards End = Beef and Dairy (except Howard's End was also popular).
- Hopkins' true passion is his small painted figurines that don't have a website yet, just a JPEG made by his nephew. "Silence of the Lambs" performance a direct result of his anger at how few figurines he sold plus the director spitting "Your figurines are shit!" into his face and learning that Ian McKellen had painted a figurine in 15 minutes and sold it for £10,000.
- Hannibal Lecter's mask is actually his figurine-painting muzzle so that he doesn't drop nose hairs onto the tacky paint. McKellen doesn't bother with the mask – he doesn't have that level of perfectionism.
- Hopkins livid when given his Oscars (just dogshit figurines made by someone else, not even painted).
- Hopkins becoming more pebble-like over time: small, round, able to be skimmed.
- Hopkins actually does have a passion: painting, just like Mike sees himself as primarily a banjo player, a West Country Earl Scruggs (Henry doesn't know who that is).
- Cults with military hardware are hard to do in the UK, unless on an island, but the National Trust get there first.
- The National Trust as the ultimate cult. Locked in by lemon drizzle. Family members signed up as gifts (including Ben). Eventually find yourself shouting at children to stay behind the rope and talking about the wonders of crenellation.
- "A Very British Cult" podcast not British enough for Henry. South African guy telling people he could make them a lot of money: classically British. Self help Zoom tutorials: achieve your dreams by investing in Lighthouse.
- Henry crowbars in a South African accent (not his Sean Connery one) as does Mike but Ben is staying above the accent fray. Henry compares the South African at the heart of the podcast to his South African estate agent.
- Henry thinks everything on TV was about cults a few years ago. Mike and Ben don't remember this. "Wild Wild Country" (double wild) was one of these shows.
- Patreon as cult: join the Beans in the compound for the Bean Rapture (and the spaceship when the day comes). Coal-powered spaceship with the engine of a Hyundai i10.
- Beans to keep podcasting after recorded time. Even though the whole of the Earth has ceased to exist for the last 20 years, TBS is still behind Shagged, Married, Annoyed, who are somehow managing to do an arena tour.
- Ignore the naysayers who say you should listen to "The Rest is Politics" instead.
- The world will be destroyed on The Ides of Bean.
- Is travel insurance useful in a plane crash scenario?
- Your money invested by Omnibank, but you'll never be told how much. The Beans give you financial space to think, relax and breath and be unburdened by the weight of your money.
- Henry's joke about tech billionaires with silly hair, going into space being the same as cult members: satire and switcheroo.
- Henry's realisation that he has just this week joined a cult: he subscribes to Pret a Manger. Ben wants to know the numbers: how many coffees to make it worthwhile (like the Boots Meal Deal being worth it for the car mints). Thirty quid a month but £15 the first month: tempting you in. Five coffees a day (a dangerous amount: one more than dead).
- Like a cult, Henry has cut out his previous family of indifferent short-term contract workers: Costa.
- Henry has eaten the new Pret bacon and egg roll (10% off) every day since taking out the subscription.
- Henry drank so many iced oat-milk lattes (the Drink of the Summer) he started to feel sick. Three a day. Stinking of milky sweet baby sick.
- First customer in Pret this morning at 06:30 was Henry. Mike suggests staging an intervention. Henry was the special boy who got to break through the pastry carapace abover the door and got to see into the kitchen bit. Not rustic, not hanging hams, no apple-cheeked boys or flour-covered wenches, just the back of a lorry spewing contents into a giant microwave.
- Henry hopes to see a documentary showing how Ben came up with the Email Jingle, cutting to a talking head with Niles Rogers/Nile Roger/Nile Rogers. He is writing all of the jingles and Bernie Taupin (Burmese terrapin) writes all the words.
- Michael from London liked Henry's pronounciation of 'narwhal' and said it out loud on a train, scaring away a mother and child.
- Paul Lens emails on holiday in the Lake District, napping in a puddle of sunshine after lunchtime pints, woken from his slumber by 'Lengths, lengths, lengths' sounding like his name. Is he an optician or a photographer? Ben is a partridge hunter, Henry packs the partridges for the purposes of Wozniaking (trying to go on a date with Caroline Wozniaki). Nominative determinism: Boris Johnson (he thought with his johnson) or munitions expert Peter Handgun.
- Ben goes to answer the doorbell but Henry thinks he's gone to the toilet and gets confused by what is upstairs and what is downstairs.
- Bean Machine (6:57)
- Listener Bollocking (17:57)
- The Old Satireroo (preceded by phone call from Ben to Henry explaining that two jingles are equally apt: Satire jingle and Old Switcheroo jingle) (39:25)
- Listener Email jingle from Xavier (the sender in of the Bollock Bonanza) – a clawhammer version (50:05)
- Patreon (57:50)
- This bollocking happens during the Topic Chat. Three emails about this subject: (1) "Banjo Bollock" from James; (2) "Banjo Bollock Bonanza" from Xavier; or (3) "banjo BOLLOCKING" from Bug (Henry enjoys the branding of the bollocks). Mike chooses the email from Xavier from Glasgow.
- Xavier bollocks Mike about the clawhammer vs. Scruggs styles of playing banjo ("they're mutually exclusive!"). Henry is horrified by the "barbaric" detailed technique chat.
- Mike decided to master the banjo as a younger man but did not get more than 7% through the "Teach Yourself Banjo" book. He hoped to understand life, the universe and everything through the medium of the banjo.
- BOLLOCKING ACCEPTED
- Making the large wooden porch is the first 3% of the book. Mike only managed to make the stoop but couldn't make the porch swing or manage to turn his residential area into a swamp, cut it off from the rest of the town or find a dog and crocodile that could eat each other to the tune of Foggy Mountain Breakdown.
- Emergency Laquerwork Training (27 patrons)
- Chris in Bremen, played on his face.
- Flocks of hammers arcing across the sky.
- I don't do space orcs anyway. Fuck you, McKellen!
- That's his figurine-painting muzzle, so that he doesn't drop nose hairs onto the hard acrylic paints just when they're tacky. It'd be an absolute disaster. You're back to square one!
- Can I say, Battle Dwarf, I know how you bloody feel.
- What is Earl Scruggs?
- A bollock is through the perimeter. Repeat. A bollock has breached the perimeter.
- A five-string enlightenment.
- "Beyond the Rope: Leaving the National Trust"
- There's a new tier called The Bean Rapture where you sign over the deeds to your house and your uncle's house, you can then join us in the compound when the day comes.
- Say "nay" to "naysayers".
- You know that lovely warm relaxing feeling you get when you go into a restaurant and see there are no prices on the menu? That's what we can offer you.
- I am now streaming coffee.
- Well, families are complex, aren't they?
- Then it cuts to a talking head with Niles Rogers.
- Ooh, someone's at the door. I think it's the Satire Police, hang on.