¶ Opening Chat
- At one of the recent live shows an audience member called Lotte asked the Beans to find her a boyfriend. A "Guess Who" style game proceeded leaving only one man (who was simply obeying orders) standing.
- Mike met Lotte's sister Amy at a theatre she was working at who provided an update on Lotte's romantic endeavours. Mike was performing as Conchita Del Del Blüd in La Boheme: Origins.
- Lotte herself has also emailed in, so they can Rashomon this story.
- Ben said that after the matchmaking he felt guilty and made it clear to the last standing gentleman that he was not to approach Lotte after the show. Ben worries about this man since, after he was made the "villian" of the piece.
- After the live show, a man told the Beans they had found Lotte on Instagram and messaged her asking for a date.
- Amy told Mike that Lotte has been on a date with neither, and said of her sister's romantic endeavours "it goes on..."
- Lotte says that when Amy met Mike she said "oh my God I love you" whilst topping up his wine.
- Never accept advice from a trio, for example the witches in Macbeth, or the Sugababes.
- Of the three wise men only two of them were wise as they brought decent gifts. Myrrh is not a gift, it's a sound. Henry is presenting a "Christmas Fandango" in association with Pret A Manger.
- The Beans have offers of tours, including seeing the pygmy hippos at London Zoo (lacquered pigs).
¶ Topic Chat
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Henry has been in disguise once before. This was at Machynlleth Comedy Festival where he pulled his show with less than 24 hours notice. He put off writing the show, said he would write it in the hotel the night before but instead watched a film noir on his laptop. So he could still enjoy the festival he wore a disguise so he wouldn't have to bump into people and talk about his show cancellation.
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It takes Henry ages to tell this story due to multiple tangents, which include Dame Judi Dench wearing clothes from Threebeansaladshop.com, buying a Mondeo drape for your car / least favourite Aunt from Threebeansaladshop.com.
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Henry also tells a joke about butt plugs. The others remind him that that type of joke might be acceptable on Owlfuckerz, but not here. Henry probably shouldn't record both podcasts on the same day or at the same time.
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There is also an update on Henry's Beefcake Journey - he had booked the 4th session but cancelled too late as the Beefmaster has a 24 hour cancellation policy (this didn't happen in Rocky). This was for leg day, because Henry's legs are more like vestigial appendages / the end of a party popper.
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Henry has had 3 gym sessions in about half a year, not consistent but this is a slow-cooked Beefcake Journey and his flesh will start falling off the bone in the shower.
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The Beans have a show at next year's Machynlleth Comedy Festival. Ben is not convinced Henry won't cancel, but Henry says he won't as he doesn't need to prepare anything. Ben talks about spending two weeks adapting the Avatar opening sequence for this year's show.
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Should Ben commit murders, he could disguise himself as Elvis Costello. Henry could disguise himself as Charlie Dimmock. Ben forgot to make the jingle to explain things to non-British listeners, so made it at 1am. He thinks it is "quite bad" and has a manic energy to it. Ben plays them an incorrect version, and the other Beans reassure him that it was good of him to try and that he isn't neither high-functioning or a psychopath. Ben plays the correct jingle which the Beans approve of even though Ben claims it needs more work.
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If Ben were to wear Mike's moustache he would look like an American academic - Gustave Geraldo who is a senior lecturer in the literature of post-communist Hungary. Gustave has got tenure as a professor and then goes on an in-character killing spree. Who is going to prison - Gustave Geraldo or Ben or both? Gustave escapes prison dressed as Benjamin Partridge.
Kelly Vivanco's Show Art
¶ Emails
- 50.29 - time email section starts
- Roz emails. She was given unsolicited advice from the Beans about going to University in the "Pencils" episode. She is living her jazz truth and went to a jazz gig which was fun until putting her coat on a beer-soaked stool.
- Mikey queue jumped the then-president of Bolivia (Hugo Banzer) during a communion session. Banzer is very dictator-y (Wozniak moustache / epaullletes / respect for the rule of law / abhorrence at press freedom). Can Banzer email in to offer some Rashomon on this? Overlap between dictatorial garbs and chintzy granny sitting room. Are granny sitting rooms former dictators that have gone into hiding? Henry says grannies can be dictatorial when showing photos of grandchildren, and starts the revolution against grannies.
¶ Jingles
- 18.04 - Bean Machine
- 25.28 - Henry's Beefcake Journey
- 44.02 - Explainer for Non-British Listeners (something went wrong with the render version)
- 46.14 - Explainer for Non-British Listeners
- 50.29 - Emails
- 56.46 - Patreon
¶ Bollockings
- None this week.
¶ Notable Quotes
- "Described by the Telegraph as curiously reedy for an opera singer"
- "OK so we're going to Rashomon this, let's do this"
- "It goes on... it goes on...."
- "You wouldn't ask the Sugababes for advice"
- "It’s the Prêt À Manger backed Henry Paker Christmas Fandango hour!”
- “People often say I look like a holographic Pavarotti”
- “Come back off the end of the pier, Henry! Benjamin and I are on the promenade”
- "Hi, my name is, uh, Gustave Geraldo... and I'm a Senior Lecturer in, uh, the Literature of...Post Communist Hungary"
- "That reminded me of the time I went to a jazz bar in New York once. OK, next email"
- "Yeah, take that grannies!"
- "It's like I've gone Taz-bonkers!"
¶ Sean Bean Lounge
- "Paddling pools full of soup" evening
¶ Listener Theme Tune
- Sanden from Tasmania "Three Bean Fugue for Three Indistinguishable Voices". Tasmania sounds like a sale in a shop.