- Early Pompidou from Ben to point out that Mike is in a wine cellar/dungeon, kidnapped by a Count who is tapping Mike's life-force to run around Europe bedding princesses, which Mike admits he has procrastinated away. Michael would not have bedded Margaret of Pomerania. The Count's lair is very echoey and there is a noisy air duct which the Count has installed to keep Mike alive, as he has his sights set on bedding Dame Elizabeth Truss.
- Mike is in Manchester amidst the on-the-nose Gallagher brothers murals of the city, like the Beatles are everywhere in Liverpool. Henry asks about a 'here's Wonderwall' meme he has been seeing everywhere online but Mike reminds him to 'look up, you're wasting your life'.
- Mike was awoken at 6:30am in his hotel after being out until 3am (he's mad for it) by someone banging on the wall because of gurgling drains and pacing around looking for the source. Mike spotted them in their purple hooded robe, scurrying in a slightly-off frame rate way. Very Don't Look Now. Was this the Hotel Homunculus (available at 4-star and above Manchester hotels only)? These ward off Liverpudlians and fruit flies while working as the egg chef in the hotel (wonderful omelettes). Under their hoods, they have conical heads with Lego people haircuts in a choice of 3 styles. They julienne you from the inside out and present you with a small wax croissant just before death.
- Mike only had 3.5 hours sleep so his hackles were up and his jaw was clenched.
- Ben had a man outside his house ranting, who had put a dog turd in someone's bin ("Come to Cardiff. The city of innovation!") and that person spotted him from her upper window. Henry wonders if it's okay to put the bagged turd in someone's bin, but Mike has experience of cleaning such a thing out from the bottom of his bin (hidden under other bags).
- Henry had an unplumbed toilet in his room at uni. Was he living in Ikea, drinking the fluid from desk lamps? He took the toilet from a skip ("It was unplumbed!") because he wanted to foster a reputation as an eccentric in his final year, while working on his definitive thesis.
- The toilet was clean according to Henry but Mike and Ben don't believe it, and was a wacky option to sit on in his room. Only looking back can he see what a strange thing this was. Guests would sit on top of the loo seat, something that normally only happens when going through a crisis or hiding from an assassin.
- Henry at uni had a huge leather jacket and silver wraparound Oakley shades (by day) and by night he sat at the pleasure of Mr Armitage and Mr Shanks.
- The anecdote isn't even at base camp 1 yet: Henry noticed a weird smell (at this point the "anecdote emergency alarm" goes off in the background) and discovered his friend had shat in the toilet days before. This man is still Henry's friend. He did this prank because of a climate created by Oasis, egging him on before going to get a prawn baguette, which were new in at the time.
- Henry's story is moving to the last stage of the triptych. Mike worries that no one will come back for the next series of the pod. The story mirrors the three stages of a Greek drama or tragedy. We've had hubris (Henry taking the loo into his room), nemesis (his friend), crisis (cleaning the poo out of the toilet and into the bath ("Oh come on, mate")), catharsis (getting it off his chest and onto the listeners').
- Mike doesn't feel he's had catharsis. He feels the need to hear the end of Ben's story with the woman shouting out her window and the man picking up her wheelie bin and tipping it out while calling her a 'c word' (cantankerous? curmudgeonly?).
- The man went away and came back again, at which point Ben felt he had to remonstrate with him. He should have undressed slowly, greased himself and challenged the man to a Greco wrestle. Ben felt nothing throughout the altercation – is he really hard? Can he take on the nickname The Snake? Or Doctor Justice?
- Henry still doesn't get the 'dot boats' web address for the Bean Machine. Just whimsical fun.
- Hailey who submitted the topic is from Guildford which Henry doesn't like because of some rough gigs. He only likes north London, where he goes down a treat. Ben looks forward to the Beans' nationwide tour (it's a sell-out, apart from Newcastle, Glasgow and Brighton). Or sell-out because it's in partnership with Panasonic (better than Sony). The lights go off and someone says "Who used Sony batteries?" How do you pronounce Sony? Henry tries it in a Newcastle accent to make the audience feel seen. Any gigs in December will feature the Panasonic panettone. Owl Fuckerz are doing Panasony, which legal dispute is currently tied up in the Dutch courts.
- Henry uses his hiking boots once a year: the Car Park Challenge – a circular route starting and ending in a pub.
- Ben chooses the one route from the three that is the tiddler (perhaps with a nature trail). One where you can sketch a tit. Henry is awed by the flora and fauna of the UK: the majesty of a wigeon! You don't get a mid-air gambol from a crocodile. Three classic leaf shapes. The excitement of someone saying "This is a limestone area" (a hymn of hamaheya follows). The glaciers of the Beaker People, sculpting the land into hillocks.
- Ben imagines Mike saying 'Hello!' to other people on a walk, which Mike agrees happens, particularly in the dog scene. Henry finds it jarring because it doesn't happen on Tooting High Street. In London, if people approach each other and do 'the dance' it's straight-faced; in Devon, it's chuckle time (cue Henry's Devonshire accent). This is how country dancing began.
- The bogus The Salt Path book/film currently in the zeitgeist – none of the Beans have read/seen it, but Henry would have preferred the book and Mike would have preferred the abridged Radio 4 version read by Hugh Bonneville. Ben saw the movie poster and judged it to be made for the OAP market, the silver dollar because there's no killer robots, no code, no phial of blue liquid.
- Mike knows outdoorsy types but they're cyclists and watersportsists. There is a tradition of children being let loose on Dartmoor. Is Mike a hiker but he just doesn't know it? The Pam Path, by Mike Wozniak.
- Ben and Henry think 10,000 steps is a long way but Mike thinks it's not that far, probably because of the ease of reaching 10K with dog-based walks (counting Pam's steps as well) or setting off to market, or catching the hogs, in his barren wasteland.
- Henry's theory is that 10K steps is further in London because of the obstacles (e.g. Sir Ian McKellen or Tim Rice) and mentally taxing (thinking of novels he could write), whereas Mike won't have a single thought, just the humming survival instinct to look for geysers and tortoises.
- Gerald from northern Germany (during the topic section at 38:40) emails about a book called Das Camembert Diagramm being heavily advertised at the moment. Is it something to do with pie charts? Henry advises that a camembert should be eaten at once. Henry's book will be called Turd Bowl, the story of a guy in the 90s who made a small mistake and was punished for it.
- Anon's subject title is Lewd Content Warning. Henry's perfect date: inviting her to sit on an unplumbed toilet and then lecturing her about Greek tragedy. Henry provides the sexy music but not the nice lighting. Anon's date's sexy times are interrupted by Three Bean Salad on the smart speaker. Trying to turn it off causes breaking of wind (the dangers of middle-aged love). Is it time for Anon to hang up his gloves, sex-wise?
- Lots of emails on the topic of injured and euthanised animals (20+). Many from vets saying they will accept any injured creature, especially if hooked up to the Iceland mince fridge out the back. Hats off to the vets.
- Scott from Omaha (the grease belt). Mike starts singing the Counting Crows song, which starts Henry singing Mr Jones. Nineties singing style. Scott's looking for temperature reference points for Brits, especially when wearing a wool jumper at a Stevie Wonder concert. Relative feelings of feeling hot. The temperature '27' doesn't speak to Henry. Should be 'phwoar', 'oof', 'hneurgh' (sonically evocative) or clothes (shorts and beret weather?). Mike runs hotter than Henry. At their Bath gig, Henry turned up in layers of jumpers when Ben and Mike were in shirt sleeves. Henry gets a read on the weather temp from looking at people going by outside and what they're wearing. Mike only sees a naked man with his beard knotted and a seashell on his head (the mayor). Or Henry sometimes self-lasagnes in layers and he takes off the layers to attune himself to the weather, leaving a 'come to bed' trail behind him.
- Plugs: (1) Henry Widdicombe's comic, How To Survive An Affair, which is illustrated by many artists including Tom Crowley. (2) The OG, 4th Bean, Gareth Gwynn (of 'a man called Gareth' fame, who suggested the first four topics ever) has a show called 'Cyril' at the Camden Fringe. (3) Henry has a new picture book out with Adam Kay: Simon Gets Sneezed.
- Pompidou (0:15)
- Bean Machine (25:57)
- Email jingle from Lij in a Delta blues style, with a lovely whisky and Panasonic battery fluid-soaked voice and the feel of the sweat from the Bayou, a sheriff on your back and alligators down your trousers (46:57)
- Lewd Content Warning (49:34)
- Patreon jingle from Ben from Tijuana: a sea shanty with a klezmer feel and a bass voice (1:01:29)
- Everyone has to say the phrase "I should coco!" in a different way night (65 patrons)
- Henry trails the August Patreon content, including a The Wicker Man review, lore and fairy tales, a pub quiz and hot takes from Abba Voyage.
- Paddy sends a Hamaheya version.
- I probably would have procrastinated that life force away.
- You just try it, hotemunculus!
- It's just not the start of an anecdote for anyone else in the world.
- It had been given whatever level of cleaning builders presumably do as standard.
- He did it on purpose to be a dick. It was the 90s. It was lad culture.
- The last thing you wanted is for this story to be a triptych.
- Why, Oedipus, why?! Why did you take a dump in an unplumbed toilet?!
- You cantankerous old prune!
- I can't let this stand! Not in my cul-de-sac!
- Stop chipping away at the fun!
- When the light catches a widgeon...
- And sometimes the hiker that doesnt want to be a hiker is the hiker that we need.
- Because of course Panasonic mince is guaranteed beak-free.
- You're never going to get units from this podcast.