¶ Opening Chat
First sound check (or is it?).
The Beans discuss the value of the opening chat vs the fade in.
Introducing Pompidou (to discuss how the podcast works) based on The Pompidou Centre, where you can see inside the pipes.
We hear the theme development process.
Jungle style and Henru provides vocals. Ben worries about the longevity of the Pompidou section and the rate of sections added to number of episodes (3:1). He suggests that it sets a bad precedent. The path up your own arse is a one way street (with two entry holes!).
Henry suggests another new section “Digestive Tract Talk”, and decides that the jingle should be baroque harpsichord with Bach style voiceover (specifically Viennese).
Regarding Digestive Tract Talk; what goes in it? (must come out!). It will be a post edit thing – The Beans realise that discussing Digestive Tract Talk jingle is Pompidou!
We begin tearing at the threads of the podcast. The natural bacteria of chat.
¶ Topic Chat
Henry says his DNA is Roman... Well his DNA is a mix of Turkish and English but all roads lead to Rome. The cradle of civilisation, public baths, and wiping your arse with a sponge. Medieval seafarers used to do this too.
Frances Drake and his smart car ship had stick with a sponge on it but that got chucked over the back. Henry asks if it was a living sponge (not for long). They discuss the endless torture of being wiped in a scurvy crack and then repeatedly revived at the point of near death.
If using a modern toilet, would a Roman use a toilet brush by mistake? Would he need to be discussing matters of state/philosophy?
Cicero serves the same function as the morning coffee for Romans.
Mike can’t go if anyone is watching. What happened to humanity? Who first put the lock on the toilet door? It is the start of the American Dream and the idea of the self.
Leonardo da Vinci caused the enlightenment by being the first person to sh*t alone. He designed the first ventilated toilet cubicle (mistaken for a helicopter).
The food in Rome isn’t very good. The pepper pot to waiter ratio is important in Italian food. Rome doesn’t have a “thing” (Bologna has bolognaise, Napoli has pizza, lemons from Sorrento). Each town has its own food and local liqueur.
Roman Holiday (the movie) a 60s caper with Cary Grant. Stars before they were buff. Kirk Douglas had a bit of tone. Huge muscle tits; you have to keep them up.
Cary Grant can only be pictured sitting down or standing up. Hugh Jackman is always running or upside down.
Tom Cruise: running or dangling from a rope.
Mike states (as a fact) that Tom Cruise won’t run downstairs.
Also, horses can’t go down, cows can’t go up, pigs can’t look up (and have never seen the sky).
Mission Impossible refers to stairs. Tom Cruise must refuse the mission to go into the basement for the nuclear codes.
He can walk, hop, or fall downstairs.
Not discussed:
- Centurions – good shinpads and sandals
- Gladiator – the movie, stands up well. Battle scenes and running fingers through wheat
- Roman Candle (firework) - not to be confused with Catherine wheel
- Massacring Christians - related to roman candle?
- Romulus and Remus – what sucked who to make other towns? Romulus gave his name to the greatest city, Remus to a measurement of paper. Did they ever visit the She Wolf in the nursing home?
The Beans discuss Rome in phrases... Wasn’t built in a day/all roads lead to/ when in Rome/fiddling while Rome burns.
Romans had violins, plasma TVs and Alexa (Alexus?).
Rome would make a good car park. Ideally placed for Rome!
Colosseum News: built a special platform (for Gladiator experience) - VR - as a gladiator or on the movie set?
Bring a panini to Russel Crowe. Don’t make him angry! Thermos technology panini scabbards and salami quiver (for this film and all previous).
¶ Emails
Simone asks for an update on Henry’s bean anecdote from Posters.
Another email from someone who gives bean cooking guidance (to retain colour, shape and nutrients). It’s not WW2!
Saying some bollocks followed by a true statement gives confidence.
Henry immediately undermines himself. Puppy in water. Henry has eaten 80% of the beans (in salad). Stored the rest in a Carte D’or box and then forgot about them.
Weird smell in the flat “old papayas” = 20% remaining beans.
They go off hard and fast – don’t fade like Obi Wan. Henry asks for bean cooking advice.
Beans on the Titanic might be ready now?
Email of topic suggestion. Dominic Montefiore suggests himself as a topic.
¶ Jingles
- 06:53 - Pompidou
- 12:53 - Digestive Tract Talk
- 15:20 - Opening Theme
¶ Notable Quotes
- "You think it should kind of fade up on us having a conversation about Mozart and Salieri or something?"
- "To have been young, yes, but to have been young in the 60s and watching someone taking a dump in the Pompidou Centre."
- "The path up your own arsehole is a one-way street."
- "The ratio of the pepper pot, the size the height of the pepper pot to the waiter is important. It should be about 1:2."
- "Tell me, who suckled who to make this place?"
- "This place looks like a lizard suckled a bat."
- "Romulus got the greatest city in the world named after him and Remus got a quantity of printer paper."
- "Will you get the right panini in our interactive Russell Crowe panini challenge? Don’t make him angry!"
- "A sort of thermos-technology panini scabbard?"